In the summer of 2016, goalkeeper Chris Kirkland found himself on the precipice of despair. Perched on the rooftop of a towering building during a training camp in Portugal, he contemplated ending it all. This dark place was the result of his dangerous dependency on painkillers, a habit that had consumed him to the point of hallucinations, panic attacks, and breathing difficulties.
Back home in Wigan, his wife Leona and their daughter Lucy had no idea of the torment Chris was enduring. However, a powerful connection seemed to transcend distance as they unknowingly provided him with the strength to resist the urge to jump. “I was on the verge, but I felt Leona and Lucy pulling me back,” the 41-year-old Kirkland later revealed to “The Times”. Following that incident, he made the difficult decision to step away from professional football. Although his career boasted 45 appearances for Liverpool (2001-2006) and one cap for the national team, he had never spoken publicly about his decade-long battle with drug addiction.
The depths of Kirkland’s struggle are alarming. “I should have perished long ago, given the sheer quantities I was consuming,” he confessed. His drug of choice was Tramadol, a painkiller with a daily maximum dosage of 400mg. But Kirkland was surpassing that limit, reaching a staggering 1,000mg and even peaking at a dangerous 2,500mg. Desperate to maintain his supply, he resorted to ordering a hundred pills from an online source in India, paying approximately £300 each time. These pills sustained him for just one week.
The roots of Kirkland’s addiction can be traced back to a leapfrog warm-up game at Liverpool. A forceful encounter with Steve Finnan caused a crack in his back, igniting a cascade of debilitating spinal issues. Seeking relief, he turned to painkillers during his time at Wigan. As the years passed, his situation deteriorated, especially during his stint at Sheffield Wednesday. Fearful of losing his position due to contractual obligations, he succumbed to excessive pill consumption. While they initially alleviated his physical pain, they eventually unleashed a barrage of panic attacks. Kirkland never imagined that he, a professional athlete, could fall victim to dependency. Believing he possessed the strength to use the pills only as needed, he soon found himself taking them daily. Concealing his addiction from his wife, he hid his supply in the car. The life of an addict is filled with deceit and desperation, constantly devising schemes to feed the craving. Even as the pills lost their effectiveness, he persisted, driven by an insatiable desire for more. The toll on his mental well-being was immeasurable, leading to a breakdown in communication with those around him.
It is worth noting that these painkillers eluded detection on doping tests as they did not enhance performance; rather, they clouded the mind and hindered concentration. Kirkland’s dependency pushed him to the brink of overdose, leaving him in a state of physical and emotional turmoil. Ultimately, he sought salvation at an addiction clinic, where he underwent rigorous treatment.
Today, Kirkland stands as a testament to resilience and redemption. For the past five months, he has been clean, experiencing a remarkable transformation. Freed from the burden of lies and deception, he has found the strength to rebuild his life and embrace a new beginning. Chris Kirkland’s story serves as a stark reminder that the footballing world, like society at large, must confront the widespread issue of addiction. His journey, though shocking, offers hope and serves as a rallying cry for change.
